Confession #4

I want to start by saying that I have been a total mess lately. I have just gotten over a very long bout of bronchitis. During one of my coughing fits I managed to fracture two ribs on my right side and possibly one or two on the left side. On Thursday I was healing nicely when I did something CRAZY. I bent down to pick up my shoe and I coughed. POP! Rebroke the rib(s) on my left side.... I am really trying to take it easy but it is against everything in my head to sit still for days straight. Ugh. Sitting still leads to lack of motivation for me. Luckily I am on the mend. I just need to force myself to not do anything crazy - like bend over and cough - so that I may fully recover.

Not only that, but this past week I turned 35 and that means I may be close to over the hill. I haven't been carded in months. My son recently told me that I may DIE soon because I am soooo old. That in itself is worth being depressed about.

Anyway, on to Confession #4:

The crushaholic crushes on her own photos. Yes, it is true. I fall madly, deeply, insanely in love with my favorite photos.

I am friends with a wonderful family, Sam and Terri. Sam is an experienced and impressive photographer. Not only does he run a very successful wedding business, he is also a photography instructor on the side. I respect him immensely. One of the things he teaches his students is to not fall in love with their photos. I guess this makes sense. Just like when you fall in love with a stranger you enter a haze of blindness. You miss the flaws and may even interpret them as an asset. With a new love you may perceive beauty that others cannot see. The same is true with photography. The critiques of others will feel personal. A dispassionate eye is an honest eye. Seems like very good advice - something that maybe I should take to heart. I mean, how would I know how to be? I am not nearly as experienced as he is. Maybe if I disconnect and take a step back I will view my work rationally - with a fresh eye every time. Right. No. I am too emotional for that. I fall madly and deeply in love with my favorite photos. Am I even delusional about them? 'For today, it is the best photo ever taken by mankind. The sky has opened up and dropped heavenly art on my lap for I am the goddess of photography.' HA! Well, as with any other crush the excitement fades quickly. And, then I am on to find the next fix. Fill the hole. Continue the path of addiction - seek the key to the Gods of photography who may gift me with another gem.

So is it bad that I fall in love with my photos? It makes me very vulnerable. I put my all into them. And, maybe my all isn't always enough. Surely as I look back at my old photos it was CLEARLY not enough many times. But I think my all is getting better and better every day. For me, putting the emotion into the photo is what gives it life, love, depth. So will I take Mr. Hughes advise to disconnect from my work? NO WAY!!!! I will continue to love my work because that is what makes it me - different from the rest. Complex. Not everyone may like it but no one can deny that someone loves it - even if it is only this self-confessed crushaholic.