Confession#2

Confession #2: I am a crushaholic.  Ok, what, exactly, does that mean?  When I was a kid my life revolved around my crush-of-the-hour.  From the time I was 13 until the day I went to college the only way I dragged myself out of bed to get to school was with the knowledge that I might catch a smile from whatever boy it was who didn't know I existed yet swirled in my head all my waking hours.  If the crush faded I had to scramble to find a new one.  I was out of control.  All my motivation was based on that crush.  What would I wear that would surely make ____ notice me?  Every night at 11:11pm I made a wish for an encounter the next day.  If I went to the library, mall, Taco Bell, etc. I scanned every head to see if my crush may possibly be on the same wavelength.  As if some higher power might bring us together - like fate - to the same spot at the same time.  Um, it never, ever happened.  I haven't got a psychic bone in my body.  And, I never, ever dated any of the people who lived in my head.  I think back on this now and I am horrified that I was so emotionally starved that I put my entire psyche in the hands of people who, thank you very much, don't deserve that much attention.  I mean, good God was I that pathetic?  And, as much as I want to think, WHEW, was I crazy back then!  I would never be like that NOW!!  I must admit I still have an obsessive quality.  Sure, I may not pine after boys anymore seeing as I am happily married.  Imagine if I wasn't???  But that doesn't mean I can't crush on things I can't have.  I crushed on the Nikon D2X.  Now I have it.  I crushed on the G5 dual core.  Merry Christmas!  I crushed on the 30 inch display.  Happy Mother's Day!  I crushed on the Lensbaby.  I am on my second.  I crushed on a fancy coffee maker.  Her name is Miss Anni'Birth'entine (three gifts in one).  I crushed on warm cozy boots for winter.  I am wearing them as I type this.  I am sure I will crush on the D3 as the idea of it grows in my head.  I need to make some money before I can have that.  But the full-frame sensor keeps distracting me from what I am doing.....  In the end, is it much different - crushing on stuff versus people?  I always want something I can't have.  That is me.  A crushaholic.  'Never enough' as someone I adore (sneer) once said.  My goal is to find that inner peace to be happy with what I have today and not wish for something else.  For now I will attempt to forget about full-frame vignetting and try to fake it in photoshop.