Monthly Archives: May 2015

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***midlife crisis: California Drought***

California has been in drought conditions

since I moved here

it must be something in the air

i have been forcing my own creativity

all this time, also.

living in Europe was easy

my vision was fulfilled

every time i left the house.

But the struggle I have felt

finding a new vision

has strengthened me as an artist

or so it may be said.

but intentionally emptying the fountain

may be a drastic measure

to solving the drought.

perhaps a change in direction

a new innovation

might be more effective.

going dormant merely solves

from scarcity.

i don’t know what to do.. so i will do nothing…

no no no.

i don’t know what to do… so i will transform my resources and make a change

yes yes yes.

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***midlife crisis: crippling self-doubt***

who am i

what am i doing?

why am i doing it.

regardless.

i don’t want to be seen doing it.

for that split second when I frame up, aim, and shoot

i am the most self conscious person

ever in existence

if anyone is watching me.

sometimes

it stops me from taking any photos at all.

i like to leave my camera at home.

i let no one down

with my lack of talent

 if the camera is collecting dust.

BUT

if no one sees me?

i am the most confident creature on the planet.

if i am framing up and no one is watching i am confident

if I am taking a decent picture.

if I KNOW… this one will be special.

but if I am seen taking that perfect picture

doubt

embarrassment

i hate to look like a fauxtog

worse…

MWAC

photojournalist

or TOURIST

or photography student

***

I am guilty of it.

maybe that is why I know the paranoia.

I size up everyone’s camera

that i pass

I laugh at their angles.

snicker

oh i bet THAT is going to be a good one….

yes, your little flash is going to light up the entire Parisian skyline

***

i know what I am doing

maybe someday I will convince you.

maybe someday i will convince me.

but

please don’t watch me when i am working.

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***midlife crisis: overwhelming barriers***

Midlife Crisis: Overwhelming Barriers

i’m here

i am ready to go

but this overwhelming barrier

stands between me and where i want to be

i don’t have the tools in my bag

didn’t realize all i was missing

during these 20 years

and suddenly i stand

paused

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***series: midlife crisis***

I started a new series of images

focusing on my struggle

“midlife crisis”

for 19 years i have given my life over

to follow and support

my path deeply changed

as a result

***

with handcuffs on my opportunities

I managed to find my happiness

in fits and starts

***

there is an aspect to being in the shadows

that becomes rather

comfortable

but when the shroud is removed

the shackles unlocked

it can be rather overwhelming

as walking into bright snow-covered daylight

is blinding

when emerging from cabin fever

suddenly

the excuses are gone

the rolodex is permanently reshuffled

but all the cards are blank

 i no longer know where

to place

my thoughts

***

who am i?

what do i do?

I am new in the area

have no connection or leads

i don’t know how to create

a resume that could possibly detail my potential

but

what is my potential?

***

i might suggest

that i have a greater understanding

of the term

mid-life crisis

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***daily visual gratitude***

I moved

I live in the best city in the country

welcome to San Diego

I don’t think I will ever want to leave

It still takes me quite a while to get up and running

after such disruption

but I am back

***

so here is a scene from San Diego

zen misty air

flowing to my head

it slowly wipes away my fog

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